Preparing for Jellybean

Today is a much better day than yesterday, I must say. Yesterday was absolutely horrible. Every time I think that I'm starting to adjust and get used to this situation, something just knocks me back down. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm prone to depressive episodes and anxiety and panic attacks (I will sincerely love going back on my maintenance medication after she is born). Our weather has been unseasonably beautiful - bright, sunny, and warm. This is great for all those who aren't on bedrest. It's simply killing me that I can't go out and do things with Katie. I managed to hang out on the back deck for a while yesterday and watch her play, but if I'm too upright for too long, I get pretty dizzy, so it didn't last too long. It's very hard to look out these windows and see the breeze and the sun and the changing colors on the trees and to know I'm missing it all. This would be SO much easier if it were winter or even spring (as I do not care for being outside in these seasons).

In addition, Katie is still having a very hard time with all of this change and everything that's going on, and so her moods are pretty volatile. I feel like whenever I see her anymore, all she does is whine, cry, and yell. This is very frustrating for me because it upsets me and we're both in a bad mood. Brian takes her out to a park or the zoo and they have a great time, but then they come home and she's right back into that moody state. I'd like to see her happy and having fun from time to time - not just cranky.

Finally, last night it hit me that we have done almost nothing to prepare for Jellybean's actual arrival. Since I started having so many problems and sleep has been so rough, Brian has been sleeping on a futon in what will be JB's room, and so he refuses to get the room put together or put anything together. There was no crib, no changing table, no dresser, no clothes, no toys, no bottles - nothing. There are a few things in boxes (pack 'n play, car seat) and some things in storage (clothes and toys), but nothing is clean or ready. It hit me last night that in the past two weeks, we've had two instances where it looked like I was coming home with a baby and we have nothing ready. It totally freaked me out.

So, that's what Brian's been working on today. He went out and bought bottles and binkies (we were going to at least reuse bottles, but they were pretty worn out and we figured new would just be a bit better) and some diapers and wipes so we have a small supply. He's been putting together the crib (again) and rearranging the room so that our little girl will actually have a space when she does come home. Of course, another one of the annoying things about bedrest is that the room is not (and may not be) decorated. Katie's room was so perfect and ready for her before she arrived, but JB is probably not going to make out as well. There's nothing on the walls or any decorations - it's just a room with some furniture in it.

I know in the long run it doesn't really matter, but I feel badly that we're not as prepared. I'm sure this happens with a second child, but the being thrown a loop and not being mobile or able to run errands or shop has made it much more difficult. These were all things we had planned on doing this month, and, yet again, it all falls on Brian. Very very frustrating.

I feel better now that some things are put together and that we at least have the bare essentials in case she does come early. I also got a couple of care packages in the mail today which made me feel so much better. My brother sent a gift card to Pizza Hut so we wouldn't have to worry about dinner at least a couple of nights. My aunt sent me a wonderful box with some of those great fuzzy socks with aloe and a new book to read. She also made me some cookies. But the best part was that she sent a card telling me that she was on bedrest with her second child and that my grandmother was on bedrest with my father (also a second child), and so she sent me a relic from St. Gerard (patron saint of expectant mothers and safe deliveries). It's a really cool relic - first class - with a bone fragment and all (and if you're not Catholic, I'm sorry if this seems really gross to you, but it's pretty darn cool for me). This really means a lot to me because I've been very attached to my relics lately - when we first started trying to get pregnant with JB, I started wearing a bracelet with two medals on it: St. Catherine of Sienna (patron saint of miscarriages) and one of Pope John Paul II (third class relic that I received after his death). I believe that they helped us become pregnant in the first place and that they are still helping us - so having another Saint give us an extra nudge can't be a bad thing.

Overall, it's been a better day and I'm not on an emotional ledge anymore like yesterday (poor Brian is really going to deserve a medal for all he is putting up with). There have been a lot of contractions, but nothing consistent or troubling, so right now it's just business as usual. We will return to the doctor on Tuesday and see where we go from there. Here's hoping for an uneventful couple of days so we can reduce those doctor visits to once a week (not that I don't love leaving the house and seeing how JB is doing, but I'd prefer not to be at the office all the time anymore).