Unfortunately, the time has come to make a pretty big decision. Of course, it's not one that has to be made at this point in time, but it has to be made pretty soon. What to do after the baby is here?
Most people would think: "Uhm...simply enjoy the baby." Yes, we plan to do that. But there's a bigger decision that we have to make. To put it simply, the question, as phrased by my doctor is, "While we're doing the C-section, do you want your tubes tied?"
Deep sigh.
How do you answer that question? I'm sure for a lot of people it's a simple yes or no - as it should be for us. Since the doctor thinks another pregnancy would be extremely risky (more for me than the baby) and since Brian doesn't like that idea and has decided we need to close up shop, I should say, "yes, please do." But it's so permanent. Once it's done, it's done. There are no more children.
Ok, I know that's silly. We could adopt if we wanted more children. And we've already pushed our luck to the limit, it would appear, so having a third child naturally (or as "naturally" as daily lovenox injections and other high risk monitoring allow) is probably not our smartest idea. I just don't know that I'm ready to face the idea of "forever." We have talked off and on about Brian doing a vasectomy (since I've sort of put in my time, he felt it was the least he could do), but once the suggestion was made by the doctor, it seemed like it would be easiest to take care of it during our already scheduled surgery.
Now, the more logical of you out there are probably thinking: Why not just go on birth control or an IUD or something like that? Obviously this isn't a bad idea, but we have to be careful about "accidents." If I'm not planning on something happening and something did accidentally happen, we would have the painful experience of another miscarriage or, even worse, another ectopic pregnancy which could be deadly. When we think about it that way, permanent seems to be our best option. I just wish I could make my peace with it. I always talk about how this is my last chance to be pregnant and the last time I get to experience this, but the surgery adds a new level of "real" to it.
Of course, we don't need to decide today, but we do need to decide soon just in case I would go into labor early. This is one of those things that would have to be decided ahead of time and not in the middle of delivery. And, of course, Brian could always be the one to take the bullet on this one at a later date. But it's just such a heavy idea and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. It really shouldn't be this hard...but I guess anything that is "forever" is hard (obviously, insurance doesn't pay to reverse anything and there's no guarantee that a reversal would even work, so we need to consider it permanent).
In other news, the appointment today was pretty good. It looks like there is a good chance I can become semi-mobile next week after my appointment, which is absolutely the best news ever. We also scheduled our surgery. If she does not come any earlier, Jellybean will be joining us on November 18. Our surgery is scheduled for 12:15pm. One month from today, one way or another, I will get to meet my baby girl :)
What a hard decision to make! I'm also one who shouldn't push my luck by trying again. So I guess that makes my infertility a good thing now?! If I wasn't infertile though, I'd wait a year post-baby before doing anything permanent. You have to be 100% SURE and there's little risk of getting pregnant in that time if you're careful and especially if you breastfeed.
ReplyDeleteSuch a hard decision. I have no idea what I would do.
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