Monday, April 11, 2011

As I knew it would be....

The last few hours are definitely the hardest. Knowing that by tomorrow at this time there will be some sort of answer is terrifying. I know it should be exciting, but I'm absolutely terrified. I'm so afraid it's going to be the answer I've heard so many times before. I don't know how I would handle that. And I certainly don't know how I would pass on that information.

Thankfully, only a small group knows at this point; however, telling my mom would kill me. She's anything but excited at this point in time. I take that back; I'm sure she's excited, but she's as terrified as we are. I can tell that every time I call she is afraid to pick up the phone because she thinks it will be the miscarriage call. And I don't blame her. I didn't want to let her know about the last three because of this exact's rough to feel like I don't have that support. I mean, I know I do, but I know that she's expecting the worst and I feel like I'd be letting her down.

Oh man...I don't know how I'll sleep tonight. More importantly, I don't know how I'm going to get through my classes tomorrow. Last week, I was so nervous before my appointment that I thought I would throw up (pregnancy nausea doesn't help - but see, that's a good sign!). I'm going to be a total mess in my two reading classes and I absolutely hate to teach when my head's not in the game.

So, in short, I'm scared. It should be good. There's absolutely no reason to think it won't be. But experience makes me scared...

Praying hard tonight. I really really hope to have good news (and pictures) for you tomorrow!

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