Yeah - it kinda depends on the time of day and the day, in particular, but generally I'm feeling pretty good. In fact, more than anything, I'm excited. I'm ready to try again and I'm trying to be as positive and hopeful as I can be.
Of course, that doesn't mean that there still aren't pockets of what I can best describe as "sheer and complete terror," but they aren't as frequent as they were. I'm putting a lot of faith in my doctor and I feel that since she is well aware of the condition and working with people right now who have it (and that they are successful), that things could be good. It's nice to have what appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
It has helped TREMENDOUSLY that I stepped down from my extra obligations at work. Of course, I miss the extra money, but I feel so much less stress and so much less depression. I think that was a major step in the right direction and I'm happy I did it. I can now say "no" to things that I honestly don't want to do and not feel guilt. It's a nice feeling.
My body is slowly adjusting as a go off of my meds. My goals is to be completely off them by the end of next week. I'm through the really nasty and moody part of it all; now I have to work on my patience. That's a tougher one because sometimes I use up so much in class that I have very little left at home (which is totally unfair to the people I live with, but...well, what can you do?)
It also helps that I really enjoyed my audio book for the past two weeks. It was by Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert) and titled "Stick to Comics, Monkey Boy." It was a collection of quite humorous and strange essays that never failed to make me laugh. I think I'm going to start using him, David Sedaris, and Chelsy Handler interchangeably (and how often do you see that mix - really?)
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