Baby Jellybean will be arriving today.
We are going to check in at the hospital at 10:45. Dr. has a meeting at the other hospital at noon, but says we will do the surgery as soon as she is done - so probably around 1:30ish.
There will be a short computer blackout while we take the time to enjoy this moment. I will return on Monday or Tuesday with all the news :)
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Big Development!
It is entirely possible that Baby Jellybean could arrive tomorrow.
Here's the story -
I woke up to a message on my phone from our nurse at the doctor's. As I said, Doctor has been out of town since last week and didn't see my Toco strips from yesterday or Tuesday. She's heard some of it over the phone, but everything has been covered by her partner and the nurse midwife. Well, I have to go in for a NST tomorrow at 8:00am (the minute the office opens).
Instructions: do not eat or drink prior to the test (from midnight on). Do not take heparin in the morning. Prepare to have the NST and go directly to the hospital if necessary for C-section. I'm not entirely sure if the concern is with the baby or with all of my freakin' huge contractions, but either way, this is very exciting. We could have a baby tomorrow. At the latest, we'll have one on Friday, though :)
The tough part is informing my parents of this kind of situation. They were prepared for Friday and ready to go, but tomorrow makes it a bit trickier. I figure we'll know by about 8:30 or 9am whether we have another day to go or it's time, but they have a 2.5 hour drive from the time I say go. Plus, they'll be at work when I call. My dad doesn't care much - he's at a point in his career where he can just say "Toodles" and walk out. My mom, however, is a speech therapist at an elementary school and it's a little harder for her. So, while I'm very excited with the idea that it could be tomorrow, I feel badly that it's going to be a bit more complicated for them.
So, stay tuned. Either tomorrow or Friday will be the big day. Personally, I prefer the 17th so that I don't confuse Jellybean and Katie's birthday eternally (since I went into the hospital with Katie on the 18th, I still confuse her birthday with the 18th and 19th).
Here's the story -
I woke up to a message on my phone from our nurse at the doctor's. As I said, Doctor has been out of town since last week and didn't see my Toco strips from yesterday or Tuesday. She's heard some of it over the phone, but everything has been covered by her partner and the nurse midwife. Well, I have to go in for a NST tomorrow at 8:00am (the minute the office opens).
Instructions: do not eat or drink prior to the test (from midnight on). Do not take heparin in the morning. Prepare to have the NST and go directly to the hospital if necessary for C-section. I'm not entirely sure if the concern is with the baby or with all of my freakin' huge contractions, but either way, this is very exciting. We could have a baby tomorrow. At the latest, we'll have one on Friday, though :)
The tough part is informing my parents of this kind of situation. They were prepared for Friday and ready to go, but tomorrow makes it a bit trickier. I figure we'll know by about 8:30 or 9am whether we have another day to go or it's time, but they have a 2.5 hour drive from the time I say go. Plus, they'll be at work when I call. My dad doesn't care much - he's at a point in his career where he can just say "Toodles" and walk out. My mom, however, is a speech therapist at an elementary school and it's a little harder for her. So, while I'm very excited with the idea that it could be tomorrow, I feel badly that it's going to be a bit more complicated for them.
So, stay tuned. Either tomorrow or Friday will be the big day. Personally, I prefer the 17th so that I don't confuse Jellybean and Katie's birthday eternally (since I went into the hospital with Katie on the 18th, I still confuse her birthday with the 18th and 19th).
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Doctor's Appt - the End?
Hopefully today was my last doctor's appointment pre-baby, but I kinda doubt it. My doctor has been out of town for the weekend and was still gone today. I'm not entirely sure why they scheduled my appointment for today since they knew she would be out of town, but I'm assuming it was a miscommunication of some kind. In any case, I had to meet with the nurse midwife (which always annoys me because I just don't like her at all) and it's up in the air as to whether I will be back later in the week.
As always, no dilation. This is pretty surprising as I really thought we were heading into the hospital last night. I was having contractions that were absolutely huge (for the first time, I could not walk or talk through them) and they were only two minutes apart, but after about four hours they backed off a bit. I am absolutely convinced that my body is incapable of dilating. If you consider all the contractions I've been through and the fact that I have only dilated to the point I did with Katie (and with Katie it took 20+ hours and lots of drugs to get this far), I am concluding that my body is incapable of progressing in labor on its own. Therefore, I have also made the decision to go back on the contraction-reducing drugs until Friday to hopefully help myself survive until then. If my water breaks, great! But clearly there will be no active labor through simple contractions.
The monitor showed HUGE contractions today (the nurse was amazed) and that they were two minutes apart, so that's consistent with last night. I am now in pretty much constant contraction land. In a typical hour, they are four or five minutes apart, but they do get as close as two. They do not stop. I have not had a contraction free hour in so long that I don't remember it - I know it's at least been since Thursday night. Jellybean is really really irritated and kicking back with each one. I have tried to explain to her that this really just makes the situation worse, but she is clearly going to do whatever she can to show her displeasure.
Tomorrow I should get a call from the doctor's office to find out if I'm coming in again on Thursday or not. We'll see. Right now, Friday can't come soon enough...but we are very very close.
We took Katie out today to paint her own pottery after preschool. It was another thing on my list of stuff to do with her this week before the surgery. She had a great time and did a very nice job - she actually spent 45 min. on it; I thought that was pretty good focus for a three-year old.
I've had two times this week where I thought my water might have broken. Once was Monday morning - I woke up coughing a lot and felt a huge gush. After an hour or so, things tapered off, so we assumed it was nothing. Same thing happened again today. My ever-inventive husband finally went out to the store and got some Ph strips for testing water in aquariums and pools and it appears I have not yet broken my water but that I do now have the ability to do some very primitive testing at home :) This makes me happy and allows me to worry less, so it's a very nice development.
Other than that, there's not much to relate. This is so very different from Katie's pregnancy because now I have too much time. Things are done and I'm left wandering around wondering what I've forgotten or what I've missed. I spend a lot of time thinking and wondering about everything that will happen on Friday. And I've never been this pregnant - having made it to 36 weeks with Katie, I am officially one week more pregnant than I have ever been. God bless those who make it to 40 or 41 because just being this pregnant (no contractions considered) is really uncomfortable. Turning over in bed is really tough and waddling is a joke.
Three more days. I'm ready ;)
As always, no dilation. This is pretty surprising as I really thought we were heading into the hospital last night. I was having contractions that were absolutely huge (for the first time, I could not walk or talk through them) and they were only two minutes apart, but after about four hours they backed off a bit. I am absolutely convinced that my body is incapable of dilating. If you consider all the contractions I've been through and the fact that I have only dilated to the point I did with Katie (and with Katie it took 20+ hours and lots of drugs to get this far), I am concluding that my body is incapable of progressing in labor on its own. Therefore, I have also made the decision to go back on the contraction-reducing drugs until Friday to hopefully help myself survive until then. If my water breaks, great! But clearly there will be no active labor through simple contractions.
The monitor showed HUGE contractions today (the nurse was amazed) and that they were two minutes apart, so that's consistent with last night. I am now in pretty much constant contraction land. In a typical hour, they are four or five minutes apart, but they do get as close as two. They do not stop. I have not had a contraction free hour in so long that I don't remember it - I know it's at least been since Thursday night. Jellybean is really really irritated and kicking back with each one. I have tried to explain to her that this really just makes the situation worse, but she is clearly going to do whatever she can to show her displeasure.
Tomorrow I should get a call from the doctor's office to find out if I'm coming in again on Thursday or not. We'll see. Right now, Friday can't come soon enough...but we are very very close.
We took Katie out today to paint her own pottery after preschool. It was another thing on my list of stuff to do with her this week before the surgery. She had a great time and did a very nice job - she actually spent 45 min. on it; I thought that was pretty good focus for a three-year old.
I've had two times this week where I thought my water might have broken. Once was Monday morning - I woke up coughing a lot and felt a huge gush. After an hour or so, things tapered off, so we assumed it was nothing. Same thing happened again today. My ever-inventive husband finally went out to the store and got some Ph strips for testing water in aquariums and pools and it appears I have not yet broken my water but that I do now have the ability to do some very primitive testing at home :) This makes me happy and allows me to worry less, so it's a very nice development.
Other than that, there's not much to relate. This is so very different from Katie's pregnancy because now I have too much time. Things are done and I'm left wandering around wondering what I've forgotten or what I've missed. I spend a lot of time thinking and wondering about everything that will happen on Friday. And I've never been this pregnant - having made it to 36 weeks with Katie, I am officially one week more pregnant than I have ever been. God bless those who make it to 40 or 41 because just being this pregnant (no contractions considered) is really uncomfortable. Turning over in bed is really tough and waddling is a joke.
Three more days. I'm ready ;)
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Lighter Observations on My Pregnancy
Don't look for deep thoughts here - you won't find them ;)
* I am now a champion at contracting. If, in the future, there is ever a need to squeeze anything out of my uterus, for whatever reason, I will be able to do so at the drop of a hat. I figure my uterus is now the equivalent of a Ms. Universe contestant in terms of muscle, so perhaps we should set our test standards pretty high - I'm thinking perhaps I could try bowling?
* Morning sickness is not for mornings. It is not for afternoons. It is not for evenings. In fact, it just appears whenever it randomly decides to make life exceedingly inconvenient and embarrassing. In the future, I will no longer keep Saltine crackers in my desk drawer at work and I will instead keep only fun foods like chocolate or Doritos. This will be more fun for all involved.
* A mucus plug is as gross as it sounds. My vagina has started blowing its nose. I didn't know it had a nose, but it did and unfortunately it appears to have a very bad cold. I will be so pleased when I can go to the bathroom without wondering what will show up in the toilet at that particular moment in time. Bright side? I haven't been an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and I have not had a baby fall into the toilet.
* Why gel on all the ultrasound and fetal monitor paddles? We can't come up with a patch or a powder or something that doesn't everything feel like it's just been basted like a turkey? Better question, why does the nurse or tech feel the need to use at least half the bottle for either or these purposes? Nope...better question: why, when they go to clean up after their procedure do they pull out one tissue and just spread the gel around my stomach? One kleenex will clearly do nothing - it is too wimpy to stand up to this snotty, blue, freezing cold gel. Also, after using that singular kleenex (clearly to save money), don't apologize for making a mess as you pull up the band on my maternity pants and get them all gooped up. Yes; I anticipate some level of gooey-ness, but don't do it purposefully and then "apologize" for it. Bad form.
* I am aware that my cervix is "shy." We do not have to reaffirm this every single time we do a check. In addition, that is just stupid. My cervix does not have its own personality and is not hiding from you - or if it is, perhaps that is an indication that you should be kinder when performing these checks.
* Likewise, my uterus is not "irritable." In fact, I asked it earlier and it told me that it is just plain old "pissed-off" and "bitchy." Let's use the correct medical terminology please.
* Babies will always use your bladder for a pillow. It does not matter how much room they have, this is instinctual. It also sucks. General fetal pressure during a normal day is enough to cause me to pee myself; babies do not need to assist in this matter.
* MTHFR is a motherfucker. I have no more to add to that.
* Lovenox - you are evil. Heparin - more so. Any drug that requires needles is simply uncalled for. I suggest creating some sort of super-absorbant formula that you can rub onto your stomach and it's absorbed into your skin. After all, these are sub-cutaneous shots - they don't need a vein or anything fancy to do their thing, therefore, they should not get fancy medical equipment like syringes to make them seem all haughty and important.
* I believe needles and shots are scary on purpose. Why don't we design them in a way to make them more fun to use or friendly? I'm thinking multi-colored needles or fun patterns could be interesting? Maybe a feather on the syringe to decorate (and then, after use, it could be a very dangerous tickling device...). However, I am eternally grateful to the nerves that chose not to reconnect after my first C-section and have left parts of my lower stomach completely without feeling. This is the best welcome pad for these needles.
* There is entirely too much urine involved in pregnancy. Urine test to find out if you're pregnant. Urine in your pants when you laugh or sneeze or the baby moves. Urine in a cup at the doctor's office each week. Perhaps we could find ways to use other fluids that have become more than generous since I became pregnant - saliva? It would be nice to use that for something other than soaking my pillow at night. Or, an even better choice might be facial hair. Perhaps we could pull a few dozen strands each time and test those instead?
* Pregnant belly. I'm not entirely sure about this one. If I were redesigning this whole process, not only would pregnancy be only like three months long, but I'm thinking that maybe the upper back would be a good place for the baby to grow. Yes, we would all look like hideous hump-backed creatures, but there are no organs to squish and it would probably alleviate low back pain. Just a thought...or maybe in the buttocks? No; that's just weird. Feet? Pregnant feet...oh wait...we get those anyway.
* Pregnancy insomnia. I have seen every single hour of the night for more months than I care to count. On the bright side, it can make the night very long and, if you fall into that beautiful pregnant coma sleep for each hour, very restful. However, there are really only so many times you need to see 3am if you're not "still" up from the night before or heading out for Black Friday shopping. There's really nothing about that time to recommend it.
* In a week, I will be able to wear clothing that does not require massive elastic bands around the waist. I'm not entirely sure about the design of these items; is it in preparation for "mom jeans" that we need an elastic band that goes all the way up to the nipples? If so, I still have no reasonable explanation for the tent-shaped, empire-waist top. I'll grant you they get better with the passage of time, but they still accomplish only one thing: feeling like a moving circus tent. I have flat out refused to buy the "new" style of tops that are all side ruched; those are just weird looking - like you pulled too hard on the threads on the side of your top.
* While my tummy never pops out far enough to give me an "outie," pregnancy is a lovely chance to make sure my belly button is as clean and lint free as it can be. This is a once or twice in a lifetime chance, folks, and I take advantage of it.
And that's just off the top of my head...we'll see if anything else pops in there that I'm willing to share (although after "vagina blows its nose," it's become clearly apparent that nothing is off limits anymore. I think I have achieved the blogging version of walking around naked with that one.)
* I am now a champion at contracting. If, in the future, there is ever a need to squeeze anything out of my uterus, for whatever reason, I will be able to do so at the drop of a hat. I figure my uterus is now the equivalent of a Ms. Universe contestant in terms of muscle, so perhaps we should set our test standards pretty high - I'm thinking perhaps I could try bowling?
* Morning sickness is not for mornings. It is not for afternoons. It is not for evenings. In fact, it just appears whenever it randomly decides to make life exceedingly inconvenient and embarrassing. In the future, I will no longer keep Saltine crackers in my desk drawer at work and I will instead keep only fun foods like chocolate or Doritos. This will be more fun for all involved.
* A mucus plug is as gross as it sounds. My vagina has started blowing its nose. I didn't know it had a nose, but it did and unfortunately it appears to have a very bad cold. I will be so pleased when I can go to the bathroom without wondering what will show up in the toilet at that particular moment in time. Bright side? I haven't been an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and I have not had a baby fall into the toilet.
* Why gel on all the ultrasound and fetal monitor paddles? We can't come up with a patch or a powder or something that doesn't everything feel like it's just been basted like a turkey? Better question, why does the nurse or tech feel the need to use at least half the bottle for either or these purposes? Nope...better question: why, when they go to clean up after their procedure do they pull out one tissue and just spread the gel around my stomach? One kleenex will clearly do nothing - it is too wimpy to stand up to this snotty, blue, freezing cold gel. Also, after using that singular kleenex (clearly to save money), don't apologize for making a mess as you pull up the band on my maternity pants and get them all gooped up. Yes; I anticipate some level of gooey-ness, but don't do it purposefully and then "apologize" for it. Bad form.
* I am aware that my cervix is "shy." We do not have to reaffirm this every single time we do a check. In addition, that is just stupid. My cervix does not have its own personality and is not hiding from you - or if it is, perhaps that is an indication that you should be kinder when performing these checks.
* Likewise, my uterus is not "irritable." In fact, I asked it earlier and it told me that it is just plain old "pissed-off" and "bitchy." Let's use the correct medical terminology please.
* Babies will always use your bladder for a pillow. It does not matter how much room they have, this is instinctual. It also sucks. General fetal pressure during a normal day is enough to cause me to pee myself; babies do not need to assist in this matter.
* MTHFR is a motherfucker. I have no more to add to that.
* Lovenox - you are evil. Heparin - more so. Any drug that requires needles is simply uncalled for. I suggest creating some sort of super-absorbant formula that you can rub onto your stomach and it's absorbed into your skin. After all, these are sub-cutaneous shots - they don't need a vein or anything fancy to do their thing, therefore, they should not get fancy medical equipment like syringes to make them seem all haughty and important.
* I believe needles and shots are scary on purpose. Why don't we design them in a way to make them more fun to use or friendly? I'm thinking multi-colored needles or fun patterns could be interesting? Maybe a feather on the syringe to decorate (and then, after use, it could be a very dangerous tickling device...). However, I am eternally grateful to the nerves that chose not to reconnect after my first C-section and have left parts of my lower stomach completely without feeling. This is the best welcome pad for these needles.
* There is entirely too much urine involved in pregnancy. Urine test to find out if you're pregnant. Urine in your pants when you laugh or sneeze or the baby moves. Urine in a cup at the doctor's office each week. Perhaps we could find ways to use other fluids that have become more than generous since I became pregnant - saliva? It would be nice to use that for something other than soaking my pillow at night. Or, an even better choice might be facial hair. Perhaps we could pull a few dozen strands each time and test those instead?
* Pregnant belly. I'm not entirely sure about this one. If I were redesigning this whole process, not only would pregnancy be only like three months long, but I'm thinking that maybe the upper back would be a good place for the baby to grow. Yes, we would all look like hideous hump-backed creatures, but there are no organs to squish and it would probably alleviate low back pain. Just a thought...or maybe in the buttocks? No; that's just weird. Feet? Pregnant feet...oh wait...we get those anyway.
* Pregnancy insomnia. I have seen every single hour of the night for more months than I care to count. On the bright side, it can make the night very long and, if you fall into that beautiful pregnant coma sleep for each hour, very restful. However, there are really only so many times you need to see 3am if you're not "still" up from the night before or heading out for Black Friday shopping. There's really nothing about that time to recommend it.
* In a week, I will be able to wear clothing that does not require massive elastic bands around the waist. I'm not entirely sure about the design of these items; is it in preparation for "mom jeans" that we need an elastic band that goes all the way up to the nipples? If so, I still have no reasonable explanation for the tent-shaped, empire-waist top. I'll grant you they get better with the passage of time, but they still accomplish only one thing: feeling like a moving circus tent. I have flat out refused to buy the "new" style of tops that are all side ruched; those are just weird looking - like you pulled too hard on the threads on the side of your top.
* While my tummy never pops out far enough to give me an "outie," pregnancy is a lovely chance to make sure my belly button is as clean and lint free as it can be. This is a once or twice in a lifetime chance, folks, and I take advantage of it.
And that's just off the top of my head...we'll see if anything else pops in there that I'm willing to share (although after "vagina blows its nose," it's become clearly apparent that nothing is off limits anymore. I think I have achieved the blogging version of walking around naked with that one.)
Yes; I missed a day
posting, but it's been a bit hectic around here. Yesterday was my last NST on its own (we'll do another one on Tuesday with the Doctor's appointment, but I don't have to go in anymore - theoretically - for just a NST), and it was a long and frustrating appointment.
I was up all night Thursday night with pain and contractions. Nothing helped and I spent most of the night curled in a ball or pacing the downstairs. It's amazing how long a night can be. After everyone left in the morning, I continued pacing and finally went for a long long walk before my appointment. Strangely enough, the walk was the only time I felt pretty good - I think it's because the weather was so nice and everything outside just kinda took my mind off how I was feeling. I wanted to walk longer, but had to head to the doctor's.
They hooked me up, again, and forgot to set the monitor correctly. So, I hollered for about ten minutes from my room ("Hello?" "Can someone come in here please?" "Excuse me?") before anyone heard and came in. It was weird because I could hear a whole bunch of people talking in the hallway, but apparently no one could hear me (or they just ignored it because they didn't know what it was). So, all of that time was wasted because they didn't have the paper feed going and nothing was recording. Finally, someone came in and set it up to go. Jellybean had a very very high heart rate again - her baseline was about 179, but they didn't seem too concerned about that. Again, I don't like it because it's well over the high point of 160, but since it decelerated a few times, they said it was ok.
More concerning was that my body was "irritable" every two-three minutes the whole time I was hooked up. They looked like huge mountains on the strip, but they kinda plateaued at the top for a while. Sometimes they were just a huge spike. Whatever they were, they were regular and they hurt. It was the same stuff that had been going on all night, and I was in tears after laying there on my back and dealing with them (laying on your back makes them feel worse, but that's how we do the NST, so it's totally counter-productive). The nurse came in and said, "Well, no contractions." and I said, "No, but there is a lot of pain." so she agreed to show it to the doctor who was in that day (not mine - she was at the hospital).
The doctor sent in the midwife to check me and there was no further dilation. At this point, they said that nothing was happening and to head home. I was supposed to come back or go to the hospital if I was having pains 3 min. apart or my water broke. At this point, I started to cry - I explained to them that they were confusing the heck out of me because I was clearly having pains every three minutes. What did they want me to do? They explained that my pains obviously weren't active labor because I wasn't dilating, but if they got worse to come in. I have honestly never been this confused in my life and it is beyond frustrating. The best I can get from the midwife is that my contractions will probably never let me know if I'm in active labor and that my water breaking will be my only clear sign...in other words, I could very spend my entire labor at home and never know it because my pains are not clearly "active contractions."
They called my doctor to see what she wanted to do and she offered to pump me full of IV drugs at the hospital or change up the pain meds again. I chose the pain meds because I do not want to be back in the hospital for no reason. The nurse tried to talk me into going in because she thought the nubane would help, but it's way too hard with Katie around to have me incapacitated in the hospital. Finally, the other doctor came in and introduced herself (and royally pissed me off). I had already agreed to try different pain meds and this doctor came in and proceeded to lecture me for at least five minutes on how important it was to keep that baby in there until 39 weeks because it just wasn't healthy or a good idea to deliver before then. I tried to stop her to explain that my C-section was scheduled for 37 and that I understood everything she was saying, but she brushed me off and said, "I know you know...but babies need 39 weeks because..." and just kept going. Needless to say, I'm really glad this is not my regular doctor. I had tears running down my cheeks because she was making me feel so bad.
She finally offered to switch the pain meds, but only until my appointment on Tuesday (acting like I'm out for drugs only) when Dr. Dameron could see me. Then, when I asked about the effects of another medication on the baby or her health overall, I was treated to another lecture about the effects of narcotics and how my baby will be depressed when born and will go through withdrawal because of my need for pain medication. She stated that they have lots of people on pain meds and that it won't hurt the baby, but just kept making me feel terrible. Finally, she wrote the prescription for Oxycodone and I left.
I filled it, but I only used one and it didn't help. I won't be using any more of those. I have never felt more guilty and scared for telling a doctor I was confused and in pain. I'm so very glad she isn't my regular doctor because it was horrible.
Last night was really bad. The contractions remained at every three minutes and were the worst I had ever felt. I was just rocking back and forth on my hands and knees and trying to get them to ease up. They finally did back off around midnight, so that's been good. Today there has been pressure and achiness (my body always aches after a few days of contraction fun), but nothing major yet. We had a very nice morning taking Katie to the zoo and out to lunch. Brian also took her for a ride on the city bus (something she's been wanting to do). I have my list of things I want to do with her before Friday, so I'm trying to plan those out throughout the week and make sure she gets lots of individual special time before Friday when everything changes. I'm glad we had good weather today and were able to enjoy it outside.
Overall, I'm just confused. It's so hard to know that my body is doing something, but I don't know what. And it doesn't help because even if I do have regular contractions, it doesn't matter because I'm not dilating - but there's no way to know if you're dilating unless you go get checked, so I could end up in L&D daily this week if these contractions keep up. At this point, I hope my water just breaks or we make it to Friday. Labor is so freakin' confusing and overwhelming in the first place, and all of this stuff is just making it more so.
As much as I look forward to that first moment when I get to see and hold Jellybean, I have to admit that I'm really looking forward to a day and a night of not worrying about what that pain is or whether she's ok. I'm looking forward to going to sleep without contractions. I'm looking forward to all of us making our new normal life and removing a lot of this unnecessary stress from everyone's life. I want the stress of a newborn and adjusting to life with two children. I want the lack of sleep that comes with the crying and spitting up and all night feedings. I want things that I understand again...it feels like it's just been so long since I could understand anything.
I was up all night Thursday night with pain and contractions. Nothing helped and I spent most of the night curled in a ball or pacing the downstairs. It's amazing how long a night can be. After everyone left in the morning, I continued pacing and finally went for a long long walk before my appointment. Strangely enough, the walk was the only time I felt pretty good - I think it's because the weather was so nice and everything outside just kinda took my mind off how I was feeling. I wanted to walk longer, but had to head to the doctor's.
They hooked me up, again, and forgot to set the monitor correctly. So, I hollered for about ten minutes from my room ("Hello?" "Can someone come in here please?" "Excuse me?") before anyone heard and came in. It was weird because I could hear a whole bunch of people talking in the hallway, but apparently no one could hear me (or they just ignored it because they didn't know what it was). So, all of that time was wasted because they didn't have the paper feed going and nothing was recording. Finally, someone came in and set it up to go. Jellybean had a very very high heart rate again - her baseline was about 179, but they didn't seem too concerned about that. Again, I don't like it because it's well over the high point of 160, but since it decelerated a few times, they said it was ok.
More concerning was that my body was "irritable" every two-three minutes the whole time I was hooked up. They looked like huge mountains on the strip, but they kinda plateaued at the top for a while. Sometimes they were just a huge spike. Whatever they were, they were regular and they hurt. It was the same stuff that had been going on all night, and I was in tears after laying there on my back and dealing with them (laying on your back makes them feel worse, but that's how we do the NST, so it's totally counter-productive). The nurse came in and said, "Well, no contractions." and I said, "No, but there is a lot of pain." so she agreed to show it to the doctor who was in that day (not mine - she was at the hospital).
The doctor sent in the midwife to check me and there was no further dilation. At this point, they said that nothing was happening and to head home. I was supposed to come back or go to the hospital if I was having pains 3 min. apart or my water broke. At this point, I started to cry - I explained to them that they were confusing the heck out of me because I was clearly having pains every three minutes. What did they want me to do? They explained that my pains obviously weren't active labor because I wasn't dilating, but if they got worse to come in. I have honestly never been this confused in my life and it is beyond frustrating. The best I can get from the midwife is that my contractions will probably never let me know if I'm in active labor and that my water breaking will be my only clear sign...in other words, I could very spend my entire labor at home and never know it because my pains are not clearly "active contractions."
They called my doctor to see what she wanted to do and she offered to pump me full of IV drugs at the hospital or change up the pain meds again. I chose the pain meds because I do not want to be back in the hospital for no reason. The nurse tried to talk me into going in because she thought the nubane would help, but it's way too hard with Katie around to have me incapacitated in the hospital. Finally, the other doctor came in and introduced herself (and royally pissed me off). I had already agreed to try different pain meds and this doctor came in and proceeded to lecture me for at least five minutes on how important it was to keep that baby in there until 39 weeks because it just wasn't healthy or a good idea to deliver before then. I tried to stop her to explain that my C-section was scheduled for 37 and that I understood everything she was saying, but she brushed me off and said, "I know you know...but babies need 39 weeks because..." and just kept going. Needless to say, I'm really glad this is not my regular doctor. I had tears running down my cheeks because she was making me feel so bad.
She finally offered to switch the pain meds, but only until my appointment on Tuesday (acting like I'm out for drugs only) when Dr. Dameron could see me. Then, when I asked about the effects of another medication on the baby or her health overall, I was treated to another lecture about the effects of narcotics and how my baby will be depressed when born and will go through withdrawal because of my need for pain medication. She stated that they have lots of people on pain meds and that it won't hurt the baby, but just kept making me feel terrible. Finally, she wrote the prescription for Oxycodone and I left.
I filled it, but I only used one and it didn't help. I won't be using any more of those. I have never felt more guilty and scared for telling a doctor I was confused and in pain. I'm so very glad she isn't my regular doctor because it was horrible.
Last night was really bad. The contractions remained at every three minutes and were the worst I had ever felt. I was just rocking back and forth on my hands and knees and trying to get them to ease up. They finally did back off around midnight, so that's been good. Today there has been pressure and achiness (my body always aches after a few days of contraction fun), but nothing major yet. We had a very nice morning taking Katie to the zoo and out to lunch. Brian also took her for a ride on the city bus (something she's been wanting to do). I have my list of things I want to do with her before Friday, so I'm trying to plan those out throughout the week and make sure she gets lots of individual special time before Friday when everything changes. I'm glad we had good weather today and were able to enjoy it outside.
Overall, I'm just confused. It's so hard to know that my body is doing something, but I don't know what. And it doesn't help because even if I do have regular contractions, it doesn't matter because I'm not dilating - but there's no way to know if you're dilating unless you go get checked, so I could end up in L&D daily this week if these contractions keep up. At this point, I hope my water just breaks or we make it to Friday. Labor is so freakin' confusing and overwhelming in the first place, and all of this stuff is just making it more so.
As much as I look forward to that first moment when I get to see and hold Jellybean, I have to admit that I'm really looking forward to a day and a night of not worrying about what that pain is or whether she's ok. I'm looking forward to going to sleep without contractions. I'm looking forward to all of us making our new normal life and removing a lot of this unnecessary stress from everyone's life. I want the stress of a newborn and adjusting to life with two children. I want the lack of sleep that comes with the crying and spitting up and all night feedings. I want things that I understand again...it feels like it's just been so long since I could understand anything.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Feeling very very anxious
Mucus plug gone. Baby has dropped significantly - I can not only see my toes, but I can fit into a lot of my pre-pregnancy shirts (not pants). She is very very very low and ready to go. Had lots of cramping and pressure last night, but they backed off.
Lots of walking on the agenda today. Woke up just feeling anxious and excited. I know it could just be my mind gearing myself up for nothing in particular, but I'm going to think positively.
Fingers crossed!
Lots of walking on the agenda today. Woke up just feeling anxious and excited. I know it could just be my mind gearing myself up for nothing in particular, but I'm going to think positively.
Fingers crossed!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Let's get this ballgame going...
Ok - enough teasing. Really.
I've had a lot of practice. I would say that daily contractions (some near constant) for the past nine weeks is a pretty good span of time to prepare and figure out what you need to do, body. This is especially silly since you don't have to actually push this baby out. I wish there was a way I could communicate this to you - all you have to do is get some active labor going and the doctor will take care of the rest. A bit more dilation and contractions that we can actually monitor - that's all we need.
Again, I thought yesterday would be it. We had steady contractions all day - that hasn't happened in a while. By evening, they were painful, I couldn't breathe through them, and they were four minutes apart. But after they finally regulated to that four minute pattern, they only stayed that way for ninety minutes and then backed off to seven and then ten. Typically, you would get to go to the hospital after an hour, but we know my patterns well enough to know that I'll need two solid hours to truly indicate labor - thus, the near daily fake-outs my body puts me through.
I know I have now passed my mucus plug (oopss...forgot to warn you ahead of the TMI) and we're at 2cm. I am nesting like crazy - walking for forty-plus minutes up and down some pretty serious hills (I live in an area that most definitely ISN'T flat - the rest of the town may be, but the blocks around my house are not), and nesting like a fiend today. I've taken down blinds to clean and bleach them, scrubbed bathrooms and kitchens, cleaned baseboards - I've cleaned things that I can pretty honestly say have not been cleaned since we moved in (which is both creepy and disturbing).
So, let's get this show on the road. Otherwise, I'm going to go a bit batty sitting here waiting. It's almost harder to be this close to the end because I can see it, but I can't do anything to get there quicker. And patience is not my virtue :)
I've had a lot of practice. I would say that daily contractions (some near constant) for the past nine weeks is a pretty good span of time to prepare and figure out what you need to do, body. This is especially silly since you don't have to actually push this baby out. I wish there was a way I could communicate this to you - all you have to do is get some active labor going and the doctor will take care of the rest. A bit more dilation and contractions that we can actually monitor - that's all we need.
Again, I thought yesterday would be it. We had steady contractions all day - that hasn't happened in a while. By evening, they were painful, I couldn't breathe through them, and they were four minutes apart. But after they finally regulated to that four minute pattern, they only stayed that way for ninety minutes and then backed off to seven and then ten. Typically, you would get to go to the hospital after an hour, but we know my patterns well enough to know that I'll need two solid hours to truly indicate labor - thus, the near daily fake-outs my body puts me through.
I know I have now passed my mucus plug (oopss...forgot to warn you ahead of the TMI) and we're at 2cm. I am nesting like crazy - walking for forty-plus minutes up and down some pretty serious hills (I live in an area that most definitely ISN'T flat - the rest of the town may be, but the blocks around my house are not), and nesting like a fiend today. I've taken down blinds to clean and bleach them, scrubbed bathrooms and kitchens, cleaned baseboards - I've cleaned things that I can pretty honestly say have not been cleaned since we moved in (which is both creepy and disturbing).
So, let's get this show on the road. Otherwise, I'm going to go a bit batty sitting here waiting. It's almost harder to be this close to the end because I can see it, but I can't do anything to get there quicker. And patience is not my virtue :)
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